I will always remember your stories Mum. They were wonderful stories of your early childhood and of the war times. You repeated them so so many times. I did my best to sit and listen. The most prominent one was the time during an air raid in World War 2. You were 14 years old. The siren went and you all went into the shelter. All but your father. He was a tall handsome man who had one wrong thing about him – he never went into war shelters and that day it was the worst mistake of his life. As mum was down in the shelter with her mother and two siblings, a massive bomb came down so close to them. It was absolutely awful and frightening. They all knew that it was very close and that many houses near them would be destroyed.

As soon as the all-clear was given, your mother asked you to run ahead to see what had happened. The sight that stood before you was a shocking nightmare! Your beautiful house had gone down and reduced to rubble..and your father? He was buried under it all.

When they finally found his body, crushed under the stones, he had shrunk in size. You never forgot that scene, did you mum?

I will always have one question in my head that can never be answered. What caused your dementia? Was it the shock of this horrible day? A day that changed the rest of your life?

So many question marks, so many theories…yet never any answers. Are the questions buried with mum? Never. Are the answers buried with mum? Yes, I believe they are.

May/June 2000 – My dad underwent a very serious heart operation, during which he suffered a complication. When he woke up from the anaesthesia he went into a panic saying he was blind and my mum, who was sitting by his side, was devastated. She phoned me immediately crying and saying that dad had gone blind. She was in total shock and stunned…so was I of course. My brothers, both living away, were telephoned. Within a few hours Dad realised he could see but not completely and things settled down a little after the doctors came to check on him. He had actually lost partial eye sight of one eye after suffering a stroke during the operation.

When Dad was discharged from hospital, mum and dad came over to stay with my family and I for his rehabilitation. I lived in Naxxar at the time and he could walk daily without going up and down hills. All worked well and there were no problems. By July they were back home and summer came and went. Life was good – it was normal and normal is good. Until one day in September.

Mum would call me on a daily basis and we would chat about everything over the phone. However, something was off on this particular day. She said something to me and then repeated it a few times. I didn’t really dwell on it …not that day.

However, this sudden repetition began to happen more and more often until one time I spoke to dad about it. He knew what I was talking about but had not mentioned anything about it to anyone – he had just pushed it aside. All this remained on my mind until a few days later.

I remember it clearly. Mum was sitting at the dining room and at one point she went into some kind of trance. This lasted for about 10 minutes and when she came to she burst into tears, turning to my dad ‘Joe, what is happening to me..what??’ She was so scared and we were shocked.

The fear and the look on her face is still very clear in my mind, even today.

My heart sank.

Today I speak to so many people who go through the same situation and I want them to know that they are not alone. The ‘not knowing’ brings with it so much anxiety. We, at MDS, are ready to take your call. We will go through this journey with you.

Anne

Mum was a pharmacist and very popular with the neighbours and all who knew her. At that time, the mentality was so different and women preferred to talk to a female pharmacist if they had a medical issue. Sometimes the doorbell rang and she would answer it and then spend quite some time talking to this person. In time, I realised what she was doing..always helping whoever she could. She was a very disciplined person with regards to professional secrecy and would never speak about it but I know they were relieved to talk to her. She would also administer injections to a diabetic aunt on a daily basis.

Life wasn’t always easy and my parents had their fair share of troubles – they were also children during world war 2 and used to relate a number of stories, which are forever imprinted in my head. Those stories never stopped as my dad kept them alive till the day he died.

My dad was a very good man, as my mum. They were happily married and were always so good to us. I only remember my dad raising his voice once in my childhood. My mum was strict and always knew what I was up to..did I try lying to her about my teenage adventures? Ha ha..that was useless..if I changed plans during my evening out she would somehow know about this before I returned home ..she had her ‘eyes and ears’ in the town..everyone knew everyone else at that time so doing things you were not supposed to carried a huge risk 🙂

We had no mobiles and were always home on time..woe betide if you weren’t…yes, it was a good life – we were brought up in a protected sort of way, at least I was, being the youngest…and also a girl!

So what happened along the way? Why did things change?

How on earth could my mother become someone else? Is that how you would describe it?

I’ll tell you about it soon..

Forever yours

Anne

Why should you become a member of the Malta Dementia Society when you can just read the posts on facebook?

Well, for starters, you may miss something important which may or may not have been on Facebook. You will be listed in our database so will receive all our emails.

Also, you can avail yourself of better prices for our one to one support therapy and our physiotherapy.

It is only a small donation, which would really help us too.

So why not apply?

We thank you in advance for your kindness.

All the best for the day

Anne

Here is the application

Today we are holding our monthly ‘Reaching Hands’ online support group session.

This is ideal for relatives of people living with dementia and those who attend really feel better as they realise they are not alone in facing life on a daily basis.

It is not easy looking after someone with dementia and you really must talk about it to others.

Our therapists, who lead the session, can really help you deal with the stress, anxiety and sadness that you feel..do not be embarrased or afraid to talk about it..all families face problems and the best thing we can do is talk about them.

When my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s many years ago there were no services in Malta or Gozo and my family faced the situation alone. Although there was quite a stigma about mental health, one of the first things we did was inform the neighbours about my mother’s problem. They really appreciated our honesty and offered all the help possible.

I have to say that the neighbours are the first people who will notice if the person living with dementia has gone out of the house alone..and they will also keep an eye out for the person’s safety.

Do not ever be embarrased – if some people pass hurtful comments then they are not worth talking to..

I urge you to attend..you will feel better afterwards – this is a ‘safe space’ and not recorded.

What is said in the session stays in the session.

Go for it!

JAN: REACHING HANDS ONLINE
Wednesday, June 14, 2023 · 4:00 – 5:30pm
Google Meet joining info
Video call link: https://meet.google.com/zdh-cmfe-jbi

13th June 2023 – Tuesday

It’s a beautiful sunny day in Germany…I have been here for almost 2 weeks as my daughter has just had a baby and lives in a very quiet little town just a few metres from the forest..so different to Malta.

However, my thoughts are always with all those who live with dementia on a daily basis..and all their families. Tomorrow we will be holding yet another online session of ‘Reaching Hands’ for all relatives of people with dementia, whereever you may be. Some of you live abroad, some in Malta, some in Gozo..distance makes no difference..so too here we find people living with dementia..just a few roads away there is an independent living home for seniors..I often think about those who live there and what their future holds..we meet some of them as we walk past.

Everyone says good morning to you even if you don’t know them..that is the difference between a city (like the whole of Malta) and a small town in the countryside..however, we can all do this wherever we are..it makes our day happier to know that others are kind to us.

Some of of you may not know, but I am now working with the MDS thanks to a very kind benefactor who sponsored me..there are wonderful people in this world! I left my job of 21 years and am now totally dedicated to all of you out there…please do not leave me alone..communicate with me..and let me know how you feel today..sadness and loneliness are a terrible thing..we have to face our burdens and carry them every day..but we do not have to do that alone..

Put a smile on your face and you will feel better inside..God bless you xx

Anne

Hi, My name is Anne and I am an ex carer and looked after my mother, along with my dad, for 12 years. She had Alzheimer’s and Lewy body disease. From a very active, confident person, she became fully dependant on others. It was very hard for her and also for us, her family.

My mother passed away in 2012 and today I try to help others going through the same experience. I know how desperate you can feel when faced with this kind of situation and would love to be able to help you. Please do reach out to us and also to me.

You can call me on 99451625 or email info@maltadementiasociety.org.mt.

Don’t wait, get in touch with us!