We sent you to a CareHome

This episode is one of the hardest moments a family may have to face. I wasn’t going to talk about it now because I am still tackling the earlier parts of mum’s illness. However, the topic came up in our ‘Reaching Hands’ online support group session on Wednesday and the person speaking is going through a very hard time. I really empathise with you..I really do. I know how I felt and I know how my Dad felt. I do not know how difficult it was for my eldest brother who was once made to promise by Mum that he would never put her in a Home…can you imagine?

However, sometimes we have to do the impossible, what we hate most, what we really do not want to do. How do we do this? How do we face it, how do we action it? How??

I say to you, move forwards, put your head up high and shoulder on. If this is what is best for your loved one and you sincerely believe you have no other option, then this is what you must do.

If anyone turns around to judge you, then be polite but turn away. No one has a right to judge others and we all must learn this. When you point your finger at someone, your other fingers are pointing directly at you. Do not do to others what you do not want done to you.

The picture I have placed is a family photo which reflects exactly what we felt and what Mum felt. The separation is so hard. Leaving that person behind a locked door is unimaginably hard..I will never forget the look on your face, Mum, as we left you behind on that first day..your sadness..your incomprehension..your confusion. You banged on the door so many times and you broke our hearts to pieces. We didn’t want to do this..we didn’t mean any harm…but we did what we thought was best.

And to all who are reading this piece, always keep this is mind…’You are doing what you think is best’. Let no one judge you, let no one speak harshly of you..let your mind and heart be at peace. Mine is and forever will be.

Every difficult stage in life, be whatever it is, is hard until you go through it. When you look back, you know it was the best decision you could have taken at that moment in time. Let God be a judge to that. He knows your inner feelings, your hurt and your love. No one else does or ever will.

Therefore, I tell you, look upwards, feel at peace and keep going. You are and will always be in my prayers because I know how hard it was. Maybe one day, it will be my turn. If so, then my family will do what is best for me at the time. I can live with that.

6 thoughts on “We sent you to a CareHome

  1. Mario

    Whilst reading this I said to myself – Oh so it’s not only me that I’m feeling these sentiments which constantly confuse me. Since I’ve put my mother in a home I get these thoughts in the article above.

  2. Norman Schembi

    Dont know what to say 😥 Im going through a rough time at the moment , just thinking about leaving my wife for 45 years in a care home just brakes me down crying ,I just dont know what to say or do ,im lost and heartbroken .

  3. Marion Parascandolo

    So very well said. Thanks for sharing, as it is my same story with my mum. It was a hard decision, but l feel at peace as l know she is in a better place than home and well looked after. We did what was and is best for her and have no regrets.
    As you said, there is only one Judge, God, and he knows all.
    Thank you so much, keep up the good work.
    Regards to all

  4. Rita Attard

    Thanks Anne l’m so in need of these empathising words at the moment.
    I feel lucky to have you in this difficult journey…God really send angels and you ‘re one of them..
    Looking forward to meet you in our next monthly meeting where you and Jeanette listen to our concerns
    I wish you health ,peace and serenity for this New Year..God bless you

  5. Barbara Coates

    Reading this brought tears in my eyes. Yes, it is so difficult. What is also important is to understand the pain family members go through in such transition. Many a time, the guilt they feel turns to anger, which needs to be understood as a sign of the pain they feel when wanting the best for their parents.


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