Love me like you never have before

A new life..a new baby has been born! What joy! Nothing can describe the feeling when you bond with your flesh and blood. Adopted..oh, so so special. When people adopt or foster children they have a place in heaven in my book. You are giving life to a child who has little in the world …that is pure happiness!

In the usual scenario, parents shower their children with their immense love for them and do their best to give them all they need, and all they themselves did not have. There are many sad cases, but I will not dwell on them here.

Let us think back to our childhood, from the days we can remember to now. There must be many memories you hold on to that give you that heartening feeling inside. The laughter, excitement, joy, elation, amusement, warmth, and most importantly, experiencing that feeling of safety.

When a child falls and hurts, he or she cries and runs to the mother or father’s arms..a scene we see so often, and which we should ponder over more and inhale the strong emotions of fear from one side and protection on the other. It is an intense moment.

Let us now reverse the situation.

A person with dementia suddenly finds himself/herself pushed into a room, 4 walls, a blank space. This room is white with no window and has one door. A door that cannot be opened from the inside. Yet, that door has a handle..and that handle can be turned by you. You? The spouse, sibling, relative, friend..whoever you are.

Let us talk about you. The ‘you’ who is so important to a person with dementia. You may not bother, have too much to do, are offended because the person with dementia does not recognise you, or you are the one who lives abroad and is remembered the least.

I ask you now to push all that aside. Cast those thoughts out, smash that armour around your hardened heart and let go. Remember your childhood and that love and protection you received and allow all those emotions to come flooding back. Release your heart and your soul from ill thoughts, from sadness, anger and all that is clouding your mind and heart. Pick up that photo album and go down a journey.

‘Hurry. Hurry’ I say to you. Do not waste another moment. Do not allow yourself to think anymore. Just go. Go to the place your mother, father, spouse, brother, sister, cousin, friend, is waiting. Yes, waiting just for you. Today may be your last opportunity.

Give that person all they need, all that you would wish for, and all that they gave you. Rekindle those memories of safety and protection in their arms by reaching out your hand this time. Give them the safety and protection that they gave you, and that they need so much now. ‘Inhale the strong emotions of fear from one side and protection on the other’. Put your head on their shoulders and shed your tears, cry with them, laugh with them. Reassure them, put your arms around them, even if you never did. Were you close to your father? Perhaps you never had any relationship with him. Now is a good time to start. Hold him tightly and let him feel the love emanating from your heart.

You may be thinking I am writing a romantic story, or some ridiculous scenario, one that is seen only in films. Well, to tell you the truth, I am not. I have experienced it myself and, you know, I hang on to that memory now and will always do so. It is what keeps me going. It is what gives me the solace, the energy to move on.

When a family member dies, we are, most often, left with emptines. However, this emptiness can change to satisfaction, to relief, and most of all, to peace of mind. That peace that allows you to close your eyes at night and slip into beautiful memories of the life you had together. This is more precious than any money or possessions you may ever have. What are coins and notes when your house is empty, and your heart is barren? What is a beautiful house if it is not a home?

There is no shame in telling your parents or your children that you love them.

Think about what I am saying but do not think for long…just go. Turn that handle and fill that windowless room with light and love.

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